


don't be gone too long

by xmhao



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, Cheating, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 17:04:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20294983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xmhao/pseuds/xmhao
Summary: Something’s different.They’redifferent. Joshua can feel it in the way Jeonghan holds him, gently, carefully instead of the sure, confident way he used to hold him. The way Jeonghan looks at him, with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. The way they sleep together, like Jeonghan’s mind and heart aren’t really present. The way Jeonghan’sI love you’s feel empty, hollow.Joshua doesn’t know what to do.





	don't be gone too long

**Author's Note:**

> yeah... idk... fjskjhsdh
> 
> inspired by fast pace by seventeen <3

_ In your hands that are in mine _

_ There is no warmth _

_ Do we need to let each other go now? _

_ Why now? Why now? _

_ Why do we have to hurt like this? _

Something’s different. _ They’re _ different. Joshua can feel it in the way Jeonghan holds him, gently, carefully instead of the sure, confident way he used to hold him. The way Jeonghan looks at him, with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. The way they sleep together, like Jeonghan’s mind and heart aren’t really present. The way Jeonghan’s _ I love you _’s feel empty, hollow. 

Joshua doesn’t know what to do.

Is it because Joshua has been working longer hours? Is it because he’s been coming home late? Is Jeonghan annoyed with him? No, he can’t be annoyed with him. Jeonghan is the one who encouraged him to take this promotion, even if it meant they would be spending less time together. Jeonghan is busy with school anyways, always wrapped up in projects and studying. 

Then what is it?

Why does it feel like they’re drifting apart?

\--

Joshua and Jeonghan met three years ago through Seungcheol, a close mutual friend. They were both single at the time and Seungcheol thought they would be a good match, so he set them up on a blind date. Seungcheol had been cocky, overly confident that he just created a match made in heaven.

Joshua was skeptical at the time. He hated blind dates. And it’s not like he was dying from loneliness or anything, but it _ had _ been awhile since he had last gotten laid, so he decided to just go with Seungcheol’s insistent pestering.

_ Jeonghan is a great guy _ , Seungcheol had said. _ He’s insanely sexy. Really smart too. Great sense of humor. An amazing ass. _

_ Jeonghan _ this, _ Jeonghan _that.

Every time Joshua hung out with Seungcheol, he wouldn’t shut up about Jeonghan. He was really adamant about getting the two together.

_ Okay, fine! I’ll go on one date with him, but that’s it. _

Seungcheol had flashed him an arrogant smile that made Joshua want to change his mind and run.

But he didn’t. He went on the date with Jeonghan.

-

Joshua had gotten to the restaurant first, wanting to be the perfect gentleman. He was actually pretty nervous. He hadn’t been on a real date in a few months so he was feeling a little out of his element.

Joshua felt like he had been sitting at the table for hours, constantly folding and unfolding his napkin, rearranging his silverware, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants.

_ What am I so nervous for? Sure, Seungcheol basically said this guy is the most perfect human being in the universe, but... _

The little bells above the restaurant’s front door jingled and a man walked through the door.

Joshua didn’t know what Jeonghan looked like going into this, Seungcheol just told him that he was one of the sexiest men he has ever met, which wasn’t a lot to go off of.

But when this man walked through that door, and their eyes met…

Joshua hates cliches more than anything, but _ this guy _… 

He was an angel sent straight down from heaven. A ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. A living, breathing work of art carved out by the gods.

You get it. 

Joshua had to play it cool and act like he wasn’t staring, so he reached over for his glass of water to take a much needed sip, but instead, ended up knocking the glass over, water splashing over the entire table.

_ Shit, _Joshua cursed under his breath, his ears turning beet red in an instant.

The sound of the man’s laugh sounded like the most beautifully orchestrated symphony in the world. Beethoven was rolling over in his grave. 

The man walked over to Joshua’s table and extended a hand.

_ You must be Joshua _, the man had said, his voice deep, yet clear as crystal.

_ I’m Jeonghan. _

-

The rest of the date had gone extremely well.

After the initial shock from Jeonghan’s beauty, Joshua started to get to know him and found himself completely infatuated. The both of them were 21 year old college students, Joshua studying business and Jeonghan studying to become a doctor. 

_ Impressive, _ Joshua thought. _ Smart and good-looking. Seungcheol wasn’t kidding. _

To make a long story short, Joshua ended up going home with Jeonghan that night. Seungcheol wasn’t wrong about Jeonghan’s amazing ass either.

The next morning, as they were getting ready to part ways, Jeonghan got straight to the point.

_ I like you and I want to see you again. _

Oh, this was different. Joshua figured it would’ve ended up being another one night stand. But this is a good change of pace.

_ I want to see you again too. _

Jeonghan smiled, a brilliant, shining smile, one that crinkled his eyes into little crescents.

_ Great! I’ll call you. Bye Shua~ _

-

They go on several dates after that, a lunch here and there, maybe dinner once a week.

Which eventually turned into dinner every night.

Which turned into Jeonghan spending the night at Joshua’s place, _ every night _.

Which turned into Jeonghan and Joshua making it official six months later.

Which turned into Jeonghan moving in a year later.

Which turned into Jeonghan and Joshua saying _ I love you _ for the first time.

Which turned into Jeonghan and Joshua being attached at the hip for the next two years.

Seungcheol had been right, yet again. He really did find a match made in heaven.

\--

Jeonghan and Joshua are 24 years old now. After being together for three years, they know each other inside and out. They’re basically an old married couple now.

But this, this _ thing _ that has been plaguing Joshua’s mind for the past couple of months, he can’t seem to figure it out.

It all blows up one day, out of nowhere. Jeonghan is sitting at the dining room table of their apartment, scrolling mindlessly through his phone, eating his favorite cereal. Joshua, on the other hand, hasn’t touched his food at all. He hasn’t been able to find his appetite recently, which is definitely something Jeonghan would have picked up on if this happened a year ago. But now, sitting here with a bowl full of soggy cereal and his boyfriend refusing to even acknowledge him, Joshua has had enough.

Joshua pushes his chair back, scraping it loudly against the linoleum tiles, and brings his bowl into the kitchen, dumping its contents straight into the sink, spoon and all.

Jeonghan looks up from his phone (finally), in surprise. “Joshua?”

Joshua spins around from where he’s standing and is suddenly overcome with anger. He clenches his fist and wills the tears in his eyes away. He has always hated the fact that he cries when he’s angry, his soft, gentle heart constantly betraying him.

Jeonghan’s face looks genuinely shocked and it makes Joshua want to laugh. That’s the most emotion Jeonghan has shown him in the last month.

“Shua?” Joshua flinches at the cute nickname Jeonghan first gave him years ago. It doesn’t sound right coming from him anymore. “Are you okay?”

Joshua bites his bottom lip, takes a deep breath, and exhales. It’s now or never.

“Do you still love me, Jeonghan?” Joshua can tell the tips of his ears are burning red, whether from anger or shame, he doesn’t know. He forces himself to look straight into Jeonghan’s eyes to see his reaction.

Instead of saying anything, Jeonghan looks away and sighs. 

Joshua can feel his heart begin to break around the already cracked edges.

Joshua slowly walks back to his seat and drops down onto it. “Tell me. Please.” He’s impressed by how steady his voice sounds, despite his hands shaking uncontrollably. 

Finally, Jeonghan looks into Joshua’s eyes. Joshua can see the exhaustion and emptiness, but refuses to believe it’s because of him.

“I do.”

“Then why doesn’t it feel like you do?”

Jeonghan fiddles around with his phone nervously, before placing it on the table.

“Can we not do this right now?”

Joshua clenches his hands into fists.

“Why? Why can’t we do ‘this’ now?”

“You’re angry and you’re not going to think rationally,” Jeonghan says calmly. Irritatingly calmly. 

_ Fuck that, _ Joshua thinks.

Jeonghan’s phone buzzes on the table, Seungcheol’s name pops up on the illuminated screen.

_ Oh. _

“Have you been talking to Seungcheol lately?” Joshua asks, matching Jeonghan’s calm demeanor.

“Please, Shua. Let’s not do this,” Jeonghan pleads. He knows where this is going.

“Do _ what _ , Han? Why can’t we fucking talk about this? Whatever _ this _ is?”

“Joshua-”

“_ Tell me!” _

“What do you want me to say, Joshua?” Jeonghan’s voice beginning to rise, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.

“Do you want me to tell you how I’ve been so unbearably lonely without you?”

Joshua flinches, but he doesn’t respond.

“Do you want me to tell you how you forgot we were supposed to go out on a date one night? One that we planned for weeks? But I let it slide because I knew you were tired and stressed out from work.”

Guilt starts to bubble in Joshua’s stomach, but he lets Jeonghan continue.

“But you kept forgetting. And forgetting. It felt like you were abandoning me, Shua. Like you were abandoning _ us _.”

Jeonghan’s voice cracks on the last word, and he doesn’t bother wiping away the tears streaming down his face now, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Jeonghan is yelling now, finally letting all of his frustrations out into the open.

“I know I told you to take that promotion, but how was I supposed to know it would turn out like this?”

Joshua doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know how they got here either.

“Seungcheol has been the only one there for me this whole time, he was there when you weren’t! Of course I would start to feel something for him. It felt like you didn’t want me anymore, Joshua.”

_ No, that’s wrong. You got it all wrong. _

“I do want you, Jeonghan!” Joshua yells back. “I always want you!”

“Then why is _ Seungcheol _ the one that’s been fucking me in _ our _bed!”

_ What? _

It feels like the world tilts on its axis.

Did Joshua hear that right?

_ They’ve been... sleeping together? _

Joshua’s vision is blurry, he feels sick to his stomach.

Jeonghan is sobbing into his hands now, he’s saying something, but Joshua can’t hear him.

All he can hear is a constant buzzing in his head, one that he knows won’t go away no matter what he does. 

_ This… can’t be real. There’s no way. _

_ But this is my fault, isn’t it? I did this to us. To him. I made Jeonghan cry. _

“Jeong-” Joshua starts, but his voice gets caught in his throat. 

What is he supposed to say? How is he supposed to fix this? There’s no going back from this. They’re too broken now. Maybe they’ve been broken this whole time, but Joshua was just trying to hold it together with a cheap bandage.

_ Maybe this is all a dream. He can’t lose Jeonghan like this. He just can’t. _

He reaches out for Jeonghan, wanting to feel him, to see if this is real. But Jeonghan backs away from his hand, brushes past him, tears still falling, says something about needing to get out of here.

_ I want to get out of here too. Take me with you. Don’t leave me. Please. _

_ I love you, Jeonghan. I need you. _

But Jeonghan is already gone.

And he doesn’t come back.

\--

Two weeks go by in a daze. 

Joshua has been running on auto-pilot. 

Seokmin comes by to pick up Jeonghan’s belongings that Joshua had packed into boxes.

It took him way too long to put Jeonghan’s stuff away, he couldn’t help but break out into tears every ten minutes.

Apparently Jeonghan has been staying with Seungcheol, Seokmin says.

Joshua’s empty. Has been empty for the past two weeks.

Seokmin leaves and Joshua is alone.

Now what?

_ 24/7, we’re walking but getting farther apart _

_ I see the back of you, what can I do? _

_ 24/7, you’re getting farther away _

_ I just let you go, what can I do? _

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry if this whole thing seemed rushed and choppy fdjghdf i wrote two small parts of this /months/ ago and just got back into it today and pulled everything else outta my ass lmaofhgddhfg
> 
> jihan can never be happy in my fics i guess....
> 
> kudos & comments are extremely appreciated!!! <3
> 
> follow me on twitter @shuauwu!!! <3


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